Finding an old friend
The end of a decade is approaching. It feels like a very momentous occasion and I am excited by the prospect of the new beginnings it brings with it. The closing of doors and the opening of new ones.
I always look forward to this time of the year and, to be honest, I usually rush it in as I can’t wait to set a new year into action. It’s really a time for me to revisit the last 12 months and set my intentions for the coming year. But this year I started much earlier. You see, I’ve been doing a lot of deep soul searching these past few months. It’s been an interesting journey as I seek clarity for my future direction. To be honest I have stripped everything back, taken a real simplistic approach and gone from my days of trying to be everything and do everything to instead really honing in on what it is that I ultimately want to feel.
During this time I have realised that I am enough. My ego took a beating in my last relationship and it’s taken me a long time to build my confidence back and know that I am worthy.
I have learnt that I have the power to shape my own reality. I also have control over my emotions and how I react to external factors beyond my control.
I have found out that my inner strength is unbreakable…I am also very resilient. I honestly can take and deal with a lot of shit and it doesn’t break me. I’ve become very good and dusting myself off and persisting.
But most importantly I have discovered that everything that has happened in my past has not happened to me but for me. It has created the person I am today and I hold no hate, no blame. In fact I am in gratitude for my experiences that have helped me to learn and grow.
I recently read a book by Vishen Lakhiani called The Code of the Extraordinary Mind (highly recommend it!) and had so many aha moments while reading it. The biggest one though is that my happiness in the now fuels my vision for the future and that vision fuels my happiness. It also taught me to have a non-attachment approach to my goals. What it means is that I have goals but my happiness is not attached to the completion of them. Instead the feeling I get from completing these goals, I can learn to generate in the now. I have also learnt to set goals that rely on me and no one else to achieve them.
I feel like I have been on a journey to finding myself for years now and I have finally arrived, finally caught up with that old friend again. It makes me feel energised about the future.
Along the way I discovered this little verse and it really struck a cord with me…it highlights my journey but also gives me clarity on where I see myself going in the next decade:
I sat down with the Universe and told her I wanted to grow.
I told her to use me as a vessel. So she made me uncomfortable.
She stripped me of everything I knew. Made me learn how to be silent, how to let go.
How to move on, how to stand my ground, how to be more understanding, how to fight.
How to survive, how to be more assertive, more loving, less naive.
She told me to take everything I have learned and share it with others.
And share I will continue to do.